How to have a Difficult Conversation
One of the most common issues that people face throughout their daily lives is how to initiate conversation that will most likely involve confrontation. People hesitate to have these types of conversations for numerous reasons. Some people feel like they will be coming off as rude or insensitive and other people struggle with being able to handle the high level of emotion that will inevitably arise in that interaction. But one reason that sticks out among most people is that they just do not have the tools or strategies on how to have an effective “difficult conversation”. Below is an outline of four different steps that will assist in having a conversation that will involve confrontation.
Create a plan- Having a plan sounds simple and it should be. Be sure to set aside a few minutes before initiating the conversation and take a couple of deep breaths. Assess if there is a certain time of the day that feels good to you, pick the appropriate setting and state your intentions to the other person so they do not feel blindsided. Going into a difficult conversation knowing what you would like to accomplish and how you want it to be received will go a long way in being able to have a smooth conversation.
Identify Your Own Challenges- Depending on the type of difficult conversation you will be having, try to anticipate where the conversation will start “going south”. If you have had a similar conversation in the past, review in your mind where the breakdown in communication started. Changing the dynamics for the positive can be very helpful for having a successful conversation. Another challenge that people encounter in having these conversations is pent-up feelings that have grown over time and ready to explode when given the chance. Check in with yourself to see if you are having those feelings and diffuse those emotions.
Getting over the Hump- Difficult conversations are difficult for a reason; no one wants to have them but they do eventually have to happen. Prepare yourself for when things start to unravel and keep your cool. Find a way to de-escalate the discussion, even if it requires you to back down slightly. As mentioned above, part of having a plan can include having a few different strategies on how to decrease the tension and stress, should that arise.
Have an exit strategy- Just like you would when you invest in the stock market, always have an exit strategy. We have to keep in mind that no matter how much you strategize and plan, the conversation can still take a turn for the worse through no fault of your own. Having a couple of pre-prepared phrases to calmly and politely detach yourself from the conversation gives you an opportunity to re-visit the conversation when things settle down.
Ultimately, having difficult conversations is a part of life but can still require patience and planning. If you feel like you can benefit from therapy services in order to have conversations that involve confrontation and conflict, Ben Barer LCSW-C has extensive experience in working with clients using CBT and Internal Family Systems to improve all areas of life. He can be contacted by phone or email, 443-601-9722 or barercounseling@gmail.com or through the contact form on barercounseling.com.
